I Need Your Help!

Hey friends! To the faithful few who read this: I need want your help! I was thinking about habits the other day. Particularly embarrassing habits. We all have them, whether we’ll admit it or not. Now my initial desire was to make a list for you all (because we both know how much I love lists) enumerating all of my embarrassing habits. But here’s the rub: I have very little shame. Things that happen to normal, well-adjusted human beings in public that would set their cheeks ablaze have little to no effect on me. So this is where you come in. I would LOVE it if you would Facebook message me or email me, sending in one of YOUR embarrassing habits. Once I have enough of them, I’ll compile them into a list and post it here.

One important thing to note: Every submission will be kept ANONYMOUS. So don’t worry Em, no one will ever know you’re the one who uses a baby voice when you’re nervous or uncomfortable. It’ll be our little secret! Capisci?

To kick things off here’s a habit that I didn’t even know I had. It was kindly pointed out to me by a friend who traveled with me quite a bit whilst living in Spain:

Apparently ( I say apparently because I have no photographic or videographic evidence of this) when I’m standing in an airport, bus terminal, train station, etc. and I’m looking at the arrival/departure board, I put my hand behind me on my butt like I’m picking a wedgie. . .

You’d think I would notice that, but clearly I’m too intent on the task at hand and doing hard things like reading. (This wouldn’t be the first time my intensity has back-fired on me.)

Got any like that? Nervous nose-picker? Poorly-adjusted homeschooler habits?

Let me know! Also feel free to include a story of how you came to discover that habit or a time when it has gotten you in an awkward situation! I’m all about that life.

Ciao!

The End Justifies The Means?

Here’s a small excerpt from a recent journal entry. Not the whole thing. Don’t be greedy. Or nosy. Also disclaimer: It’s unpolished. And dramatic. You already know that’s just how I roll though.

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Will this ever be restored? Will I ever not have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about this? Why is this friendship deteriorating even as I’ve fought so hard to keep it alive? Will things be restored when the fall comes back around? Will the hurt still be there? Is this hurt imagined? Am I seeing slights that aren’t even there? Putting words in someone’s mouth that aren’t there to begin with? And if we come to the fall and all this hurt was imagined, will that make the pain go away? If it’s merely imagined hurt, doesn’t that make this “lesson” or whatever it is unnecessary? Will I always be fighting against these unbalanced scales? Why do I have to learn restraint, and yet it seems they haven’t learned sacrifice? Do I have to learn to ignore, or even to run the other way, merely for them to learn how to pursue?

Is this how you feel, Jesus? Wanting so badly for them to come to you. To sit and listen. To speak. To share their deepest fears and most fervent desires? Even though you already know the outcome, I’ll bet your heart feels the same. The same longing for them to stop making themselves so busy. To just be honest with you, all the while knowing the truth could very well be the opposite of what you want to hear.

 

I don’t want this Lord. But I keep hearing you softly, gently telling me “You need this, beloved. You need this.” Those words bring up part of a verse of a song (thank you for music, by the way. I love how you’ve created me in such a way that the simplest words from a song can tattoo you truth onto my heart. No wonder I so dearly love the Psalms.) These words may have been penned by a mortal man, but I believe they were inspired by You:

And you say “I know that this will hurt,

but if I don’t break your heart, then things will just get worse.

If the burden seems too much to bear, remember,

the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.”

I don’t know if I can yet believe that it’s worth all this crap.

But I trust You. You hold the outcome in your hands – but more importantly – you’re holding me.

Lead me in your truth and teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long. – Psalm 25:5

 

Just the Way I’ve Always Been. . .

Hello to one and all! (As in all one of you currently reading this. . .) We both know I’m not sorry for my hiatus so I won’t even offer a fake plea for forgiveness.

I have a brand new FRESH blog post in the works for you, but it’s slightly heavy and that’s the last thing anyone needs to read on this gloomy day. So instead I provide you with a post I wrote mere days before my tearful departure from Spain. Embarrassingly enough, I never published it. So it’s been sitting in my drafts folder. Of course I’ve been blissfully unaware, seeing as how this is the first time I’ve done anything on WordPress besides troll on art blogs while stuffing my face with hummus and pita chips. So without further ado (and because I need to get back to work) I present to you the following:

(Also I’m sure the title of this post had some significance when I first created this post. It has since lost all meaning to me, but I’m too lazy to think of another title. Maybe that’s the way I’ve always been? (See what I did there?) Work with what ya got right?)

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If you know me even a tiny bit then you will not be surprised at all that, #1 this is my first time blogging since the post I wrote when I first arrived in Spain. And #2 I’m writing it when I have far more pertinent things to attend to. Like studying. And eating. But I’ve put both of those things off for the time being just to get out some of my feelings before they all explode out of me on the day of my departure. For brevity’s sake (because I really do need to get back to studying), here’s a brief list of things that I will or will not miss about this country. (You also know how much I like lists)

1) I will miss hearing my host mom’s grandson, Pablo, shouting at the top of his lungs for everyone to come to the TV to watch “¡¡¡LA MASCLETÁ!!!! – Technically this only occurred during Las Fallas. But seeing as how the Mascletá’s started about a month before the other festivities, it still ends up being present in a great portion of my time abroad.

2) I will miss being able to walk anywhere, even if that means walking for almost an hour and a half. The beauty of Spaniards not being in such a huge rush is not to be used as an excuse to be late for something. It just means that they don’t see any problem with starting their work days at 10am. What that has meant for me is that I can stay up late, get at least 7 hours of sleep, eat a decent breakfast, and still have time to walk to work or class and not have to take a bus or the metro.

3) This should probably be top of the list because it’s that incredible. I will miss The RÍO. This is not just any río, mind you. This is unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. I’ll do my best to describe it but really even pictures can barely do it justice. Basically there was a river that divided the city in half. The river eventually dried up, so what did they do? They started making gardens. And LOTS of them. The río is now an entire city-length park complete with fountains, walking and biking trails, trees, flowers, benches, playgrounds, outdoor cafés, SOCCER FIELDS (seriously, this thing is HUGE) rugby pitches, an entire outdoor sports complex complete with a running track and spectator seating. I could go on and on about this place. It’s unreal. And the best part is no matter where you walk in the río, you’re always below street level. You can easily forget you’re even in the city sometimes cause you can’t even see the street above you. It’s also cool because every part of the río has a very distinct feel. At some points it’s just palm trees everywhere and I am reminded of Valencia’s location on the Mediterranean, but other times I walk along paths so thick with pine trees I’m immediately transported back to hikes with my grandpa in South Carolina. Still other parts are so unique I feel as though I’ve stepped onto another planet entirely. I could say SO much more about this magical feature of the city but I’ll leave it at that for now. Just know you’ve been warned that I’ll talk about it non-stop when I return.

4) I will miss the fact that everyone smells good all the time. Although so much cologne and perfume surely can’t be good for the environment, it sure makes it more enjoyable to be stuck walking closely behind a complete stranger. (Also they never bathe in it, so it’s not too overpowering).

5) I’ll miss being special just because I’m a white girl who can speak Spanish. (Yes, Spaniards are technically white, but they definitely have enough arab blood to still look far more exotic than I could ever hope to.)

6) I’ll miss being called “guapa” even if it’s the Spanish equivalent to the English “dude”. After all, none of my male friends greet me by saying, “Hey beautiful!” (Which if I think about it, is more than alright).

7) I’ll miss Siete Panes, the BEST panadería/pastelería known to mankind. More specifically I’ll miss their muffins de chocolate (chocolate muffins with chocolate chunks, filled with chocolate sauce in the middle) and their croissants stuffed with nutella. (Ya had to know food was going to factor in at least some point in this post!)

There’s so many other things I’ll miss, but I since I could yammer on forever about this place, I’ll make a list of the things I won’t miss (although they are far fewer)

1) I will not miss Spain’s (and really Europe’s in general) complete lack of ability to split a check. It’s not freaking rocket science people. I barely mastered some of the most basic mathematical principles in grade school and yet, even I know how to split a check. Do not make a bunch of Norte Americanos walking around with fistfuls of 50 or 20 euro notes fresh from the ATM try to pay together for their meal which cost around 6.73 each. We all want change. We all need change. It’s hell when one person picks up the tab and then we’re all supposed to find somewhere to break our bills so we can pay them back.

2) Going along with the restaurant theme, I will not miss paying through the nose for freaking water. Tap water at that. ‘Murica sure did get some things right. I also will not miss the lack of free refills. I am a camel. I store excess beverages in my hair. That’s why it’s so big.

3) I won’t miss the depressingly low amount of decent coffee. Did I find some? Yes. But I had to endure far too many crappy cups of coffee in the process to really make it worth my while.

4) I won’t miss everyone looking like they just stepped off a runway or out of a magazine, leaving me to look like a frizzy, flustered, gringa mess.

5) I won’t miss creepy turban flower salesman trying to act like we’re bffs just so I’ll buy one of his flowers. Let me drink my strawberry mojito in peace please, without you groping my shoulder. Also, I was waving at the person behind you. Sabes?

But I digress. Even with all of the small annoyances – and really it’s just because it’s not what I’ve always known – I’m going to miss the bajeebers outta this place. I’m not worried though. As the Terminator said:

“I’ll be back.”

An Open Letter: To Whom (or What) it May Concern. . .

Estimado versión en español,

Look. I get it.

You don’t like me, I don’t like you.

I’m trying to change you. You’d rather stay exactly the way you are.

I get that.

Frankly I’d rather not waste my time trying to bring about transformation in someone who is clearly determined to never change.

I get that we come from different worlds.

You like to compress things for the sake of convenience,

I see no problem in stringing things along for as long as they’ll last.

But I have to change you, whether you like it or not.

So if you’d please just cooperate, we can get the job done in no time.

Then you can go back to your suave ways,

And I’ll continue to sound – according to you – like I’m chewing chicle when I speak.

Sincerely,

The English Version.

 

In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m currently translating poems from Spanish to English. Literally the worst.

¡Hola from España!

Hola hola hola!

 

Whew! It’s been a while eh? I’m way too tired to recount everything that’s happened since I arrived, so until I have the energy to do so, I’m leaving you a random list of things I’ve discovered/realized, etc.

 

1) JUST made it on time to class both days this week. I feel like in this case, third time would not be the charm, so I’m making a concerted effort to wake up earlier to avoid a mad dash across el puente de aragón during morning rush hour.

 

2) I made friends with the bartenders at a pub right near my apartment and they give me a free drink every time I sing a song for them.

 

3) I saw Real Madrid vs. Valencia last night! It was fantastic, except for the fact that Real Madrid didn’t actually play that well and it was a draw.

 

4) It is HARD to infiltrate a group of Spaniards. I’ve tried unsuccessfully thus far, but I did make friends with a really nice German girl.

 

5) I have yet to find anyone who drinks as much coffee as I do, but being that Spaniards do everything in groups and I don’t want to go out for coffee by myself, I’m going through severe caffeine withdrawal.

 

6) A guy in my class kept calling me Ida and I had a strong urge to punch him when he did so.

 

7) I would move here for the bread alone. Seriously. It’s so good. Today my professor asked me what my favorite Spanish food was thus far. He seemed a little taken aback when I immediately responded “el pan”.

 

8) What’s funnier than funny Youtube videos? Trying to translate them into Spanish so that the Spaniards understand them.

 

9) No women here feel the need to try every new braid/hair trend on Pinterest. I actually can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen a Spanish woman with her hair styled any other way besides shiny, wavy, and down.

 

10) I’m OBSESSED with a show here called “Gran Hotel” it’s pretty much EXACTLY like Downton Abbey, except everyone is 10 times more attractive. Which is saying something.

 

Ok, I suppose that’ll be it for tonight. I’m off to take a siesta before la cena.

 

¡Hasta pronto!

Flashback Friday?

Oh hey blog, it’s been a while. I have a real update in the works, but until then, may this brighten your Friday.

Me. In all my chubby, red solo cup glory. (Notice the matching red mouth I’m rocking. Snow cone machines at family reunions are a wonderful thing!)

Also, hey! It’s the weekend!

Hey, I just met you, and-yet-I-just-told-you-my-entire-life-story, but here’s my number, so call me, maybe?

Hello hello! At long last I’ve emerged relatively unscathed from the chaos of finals, moving back home, graduations, weddings, and work. I’ve been wrestling with what to write about after such a long hiatus. I have a backlog of approximately 6 drafts, but every time I re-read them to post, the Lord would convict me of something or another and I’d have to just stop in my tracks and turn to the Word in prayer. While this has done great things in my heart, it’s not the best approach to writing. I think now, however, I may carry on without such an abrupt conviction from the Holy Spirit. (I’m not making any promises though!)

I guess the best place to begin would be to answer the question that I’ve been asked most often: “What are you doing this summer?” Such a simple question, but since my tendencies are to tell someone every single thing I’m thinking/feeling/doing/planning to do/thinking about planning to do, well you get the idea. The question becomes far more complex. I’ll do my best to keep it simple this morning, but know that I’m more than willing to elaborate if prompted. SO. The short answer is I’m working and spending time with my family. The coolest thing is that on one level I actually get to do both at the same time, but I’ll leave that for later.

As far as spending time with my family, this summer is the first time in a long while that all 5 of my sisters and I are together under the same roof. It’s been so much fun and I spend a great deal of time playing barbies with the babies, (that’s what we call the two youngest) watching The Big Bang Theory with one of my “big” sisters, (I introduced her to the show and now she can’t stop watching it. She’s a complete Sheldon btw, for any of you who may have seen the show before) working with my fellow “little”, and eating obscene amounts of ice cream with all of them. We’ve spent quite a bit of time reminiscing about days gone by, and it’s so much fun to fill in the baby sisters on things they missed before they were born. (Ask me to tell you the “club” story. Seriously. It’s ridiculous.) I mentioned getting to work with my fellow “little” sister, which brings me to a long and hopefully not too complicated explanation of my work this summer.

So 2 years ago, my best friend was getting ready to be married and she mentioned something at the end of May about how her soon-to-be father-in-law was hiring staff for a summer camp. I went ahead and filled out the application and was hired soon after. So summer of 2010 I worked all summer at this day camp. That fall during my freshman year of college I stayed home and went to the community college to finish my associate’s degree before transferring to a four-year institution. Because I was home, I was able to work at a before and after school program based out of the same place as the summer camp (and with a lot of the same kids). I worked there all year until last spring when I left to work at Summer’s Best Two Weeks, a camp in PA that I’ve spent the past 9 years of my life attending. Since I worked at Summer’s Best I couldn’t work at the other camp, and because I transferred to UVA, working at the school program this past fall and spring was also out. No matter, my twin – a.k.a Abby – was at the ready to work at the program this past school year. Fast-forward to this spring. I finished my last final May 3rd. Which also happened to be the first day of finals. That was a little insane. I’d rather not talk about it. Although I did quite well though if I do say so myself. Since Fairfax county schools didn’t finish until two weeks into June, I was able to return to my old job for the first month I was home. I cannot even begin to describe to you how wonderful it felt to be back with my kids instead of catering to grouchy pool patrons which is what my job at school entails. I never feel more useful than when I get to serve and love on kids. School let out on the 15th and camp began this past Monday. What a week it has been. I already have a few dozen stories, but those will have to wait for later on this evening because right now I have to finish making cinnamon rolls, pack my lunch, and get ready to take my little ones to the Air & Space museum today! I can assure you I’m probably just as excited, if not more so than my kids.

If you managed to read all of this on only one cup of coffee I applaud you, it took me two to write this.

p.s. this song has been on heavy rotation this week. I know it’s not new, but I just love it. Especially the Spanish version.

Things I Miss

I never considered myself much of a list-maker. I guess because I feel like you have to be far more organized than I am. But guess what’s coming right now? Lists. Because I’m lazy and don’t want to take the time to actually write anything of great significance. Also, my lists may or may not be made up of only a single item. They’re my lists though, so I can do what I want.

 

List #1: Things I Miss

1. Reading books I want to read.
2. Discussing said books. (Especially with Andrew White when discussing J.I. Packer’s “Knowing God”)
3. Baking
4. My bed at home
5. My dog
6. My family. (I promise you rank higher than Jensen. I’m just going from stream-of-consciousness here.)
7. The days when I could eat whatever I wanted and still fit into my clothing.
8. Wearing dresses every single day.
9. D.C.
10. Watching movies made in the good ol’ U.S. of A. Or really films made anywhere besides Iran.

 

List #2: Things I don’t want to do today

1. Write my last response paper for my Iranian cinema class
2. Read my book for my Iranian cinema class
3. Go to work
4. Wash dishes. (Or really clean anything.)

 

List #3: Things I want to do today

1. Take the allergy medicine that makes me super tired. (Because it works better.)
2. Sleeeeeeeep.
3. Drink coffee
4. Meet with my discipler
5. Dance. Not even have a dance party. Just dance. By myself. Cause I’m cool like that
6. Make sweet playlists for my friends
7. Sing
8. Sleep some more

 

List #4: Things I will actually do today

1. Drink coffee
2. Write my paper and read for my Iranian cinema class
3. Go to work
4. Wash dishes/clean
5. Dance
6. Meet with my discipler
7. Be the 3-time champion of Rock, Paper, Scissors against one of my coworkers.

 

Yeah, that’s about it for today. Don’t melt away in the rain my friends.

All the Single Ladies

Hello friends! I’ve missed writing this probably more than you’ve missed reading it, but I’ll continue typing for the faithful few who read this.

I wanted to address two things specifically. The first is directed not only to all my single ladies, but to any other jaded cynics out there.

1) My number one pet peeve about February 14th is not being single. It’s listening to people rag on Valentine’s Day calling it a “Hallmark Holiday” blah, blah, blah. Honestly, besides immediately categorizing you as someone who probably believes in other conspiracy theories, you also make me frustrated. Valentine’s Day is not a made-up holiday. It’s celebrating a very real man who lived a very bold life in the name of love (ultimately his love for God) Yes, our culture has twisted and distorted it to be about commercialism. But last time I checked they did that with Easter, Christmas, etc., and yet you still celebrate those holidays just fine without complaining. So don’t be hypocritical by conveniently forgetting the true meaning behind this holiday either.

2) This part is specifically for all the single ladies (although the fellas are more than welcome to continue reading)

My mother is a fount of wisdom and inspiration to me. A lot of the things she said to me continue to ring in my head at the appropriate times. So two stories for you: #1 – My parents have always called me “Tender Heart” – like the Care Bear – because I’m the peacemaker. I hate to see conflict unresolved, I hate seeing people suffering, I don’t like it when people are at odds with one another. Naturally my sensitivity to others meant that my feelings could be hyper-sensitive. And I can still remember what my mom used to tell me when I would be irrationally upset at a remark directed at me from one of my sisters. As I stood in front of her, tears of anger, hurt, or indignation running down my face (I’m a big crier. Sorry I’m not sorry) my mother would take my face in her hands and gently say, “Lizzie, you can choose not to be offended.” As I’ve come into adulthood, I realize more and more how profound that statement is. And its truth. When dealing with patrons at work who are rude and nasty? Yeah, I can choose to see it as a personal attack on me, or I can choose to not let their bad attitude dictate my response. It’s definitely easier said than done, but it’s more than worth the effort. So how does this have anything to do with Valentine’s Day? I’ll get to that. But first, one more story.

#2- When I was younger I always had a HORRIBLE attitude about school – math in particular. And though I hated to hear her say it at the time, I’m thankful for the wisdom my mother always shared with me. She would always use the quote (and I’m just paraphrasing) about how we always have a choice, but sometimes the only choice is our attitude. Obviously my stubborn heart didn’t want to admit it, but I knew then, as I know now, that she’s right.

So bringing those two ideas together has given me the following outlook on Valentine’s Day that I hope more singles can adopt:

1) Valentine’s Day is NOT a personal attack on my relationship status! So I can choose not to be offended at all the advertisements etc. geared towards couples. No one is ultimately forcing me to feel bad about being single other than myself.

2) I can choose to have a good attitude. Not only about this particular day, but also the past 7,238 or so days that I’ve spent single, and the unknown number ahead. Going along with this for me is recognizing yeah, it’s ok for me to admit that I desire to date and eventually marry, but the Lord’s will, not my desire, is what I should ultimately submit to.

Bonus story before I end this. I was talking to a good friend a while back and was describing a guy I was interested in. After a while of me talking, she gently interrupted me and asked, “Have you spent as much time praying about it as you have talking about it?” Yiiikes. Definitely something to think about.

 

So that’s about it. Get out there, eat a bunch of chocolate, and while you’re at it, check out MY favorite love song!

I’m off to pick up a package. That has new shoes! That I bought myself. Happy Valentine’s Day to me!

C.S. Lewis this isn’t.

Last night I could have posted something new. But do you know what the problem was? Last night I thought I was writing a moving, and deeply personal piece about my coming-to-terms with adulthood and all the realities it entails, without losing my childlike faith in God and His provision. It ended up being more of a bitter diatribe about how much I hate money. I opted to not post it for two reasons:

1) No one really wants to read my whining rants against realities they’re probably already dealing with. (Especially considering it lacked any kind of witty anecdotes and contained no humor whatsoever. Just all pity party, all the time.)

2) I believe the late, great Notorious B.I.G. aka Biggie Smalls summed up my feelings exactly with his single, “Mo Money Mo Problems.” Amen. Preach it brotha.

So then, in lieu of whining and bitter diatribes, I decided to leave the writing to the pros today. I am, however, including two of my (currently) favorite videos. One is hilarious and one is just cool.